


My Dearest Inconvenience

by JaMills



Category: SPY x FAMILY (Manga)
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe, Baby Anya AU, Fluff, Gen, I Tried
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-25 03:15:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22009096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaMills/pseuds/JaMills
Summary: What started as an ordinary mission somehow ended with Twilight taking care of a baby. And she isn't going away anytime soon.Helovedhis job.(Or, the Baby Anya AU no one asked for)
Relationships: Anya Forger & Loid Forger | Twilight
Comments: 35
Kudos: 178





	1. First Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys!  
> I first talked about this idea in a tumblr post and decided to actually write it. I wish it was longer, baby Anya and papa Twilight are so cute together! But my writer's block is strong lately...  
> Hope you like it~~

If Twilight had known his day would end with an infant crying non-stop in his arms and with no prospect of going away, he would have turned the mission down. He'd get some ugly looks in the agency, but at least he'd have complete control of the situation. That definitely wasn't happening now.  
  
  


It was supposed to be a simple recognition task. Get into a shady Ostanian lab of some sort, find out what were they doing and report. They would deal with it later if it was important enough.  
  


Twilight had infiltrated the place disguised as a scientist, using the ID of a random guy he knocked out earlier. The place was way larger than it looked from outside, posing as an inconspicuous drugstore in the outskirts of town. There was certainly something big going on.  
  


After checking out rooms and data in their computers, Twilight was almost sure they were experimenting with people in some way. Maybe drugs, but the material had too much coded words for him. This was work for other specialized agents.  
  


Things started to go downhill when an alarm rung out in he compound, their security finally realizing they had been invaded. The system Twilight was trying to hack immediately shut down, screens glowing red as they blinked "Suspicious Activity Detected" over and over again.  
  


The spy cursed as he took out the disk drive out of the computer, hoping something could still be saved. He was lucky enough he could leave the room before the guards arrived.  
  


When Twilight reached one of the main corridors, he found a lot of people rushing to the main exit. Scientists, doctors, personnel of all kind. One or two children in between, no older than ten. The guards overlooked them as if looking for anything out of ordinary. They were running away.  
  


He joined the small crowd until he found the familiar corner from where he came from earlier. It was empty, but surely there would be cameras. He needed to be quick.

As he made a turn to the left, he ran into a woman wearing the same white coat as him, carrying what seemed a blanket bundle in her arms. She looked livid as she saw him.  
  


"Dr. Ryder! I... I was...!"  
  


A quick look at her badge told him all the info he needed.  
  


"You need to leave now, Dr. Schmidt, we're under attack." He said firmly, getting into his character. "I just need to check Room 15 and will also be on my way."  
  


Dr. Schmidt nodded, looking almost relieved to not be questioned as to why she wasn't exactly on the way to the main exit. But then she frowned in confusion and said:  
  


"But Room 15 is not..."

"There she is!" Another man in white yelled down the hall, followed by a bunch of guards. "I know you have something to do with this, Darla!"  
  


"What? No!" Dr. Schmidt said desperately holding the bundle against her chest. "I wasn't doing anything! Please, tell them, Dr. Ryder!"  
  


Twilight looked from Schmidt to the other doctor and then to the guards. He knew nothing about the woman, but if they thought the hacking was her fault, he should go with it and leave that place before they noticed their mistake. Spies had very little time to think about morals.  
  


"Dr. Schmidt was acting quite strange just moments ago." Twilight lied impassively. "She looked like she was avoiding the main halls."  
  


The third doctor smiled menacingly.  
  


"I knew it. Take her, boys."  
  


"No, no, please don't!" She screamed as the guards held her arms and the doctor took the bundle out of her. "Give Anya back! Please leave her alone, sir, Anya deserves better than this place!"  
  


"That's not your job to decide." The man said coldly as he watched the female doctor being taken away. He then turned to Twilight. "Can you take Subject 007 with you? I'll have to stay for a bit to make sure Schmidt didn't make a bigger mess than it seems."  
  
  


He nodded, not really getting what he said until he had the same blanket bundle in his arms. Just then he realized what it was.  
  
  


A baby. An actual, tiny, sleeping baby. Rosy cheeks, thin pink hair, lips slightly apart in their slumber. Twilight wondered how someone could sleep with all that noise around them.  
  
  


Anya. That's how Schmidt called her.  
  


They exchanged a few more words and he left with the baby. But he didn't go with the other scientists.  
  


The spy found another exit and took the baby with him.  
  
  
  


\---  
  


Twilight only realized what he just did when he reached his car.  
  


He had a baby. Not a saved-from-the-fire sort of baby that could be given back to its parents and everyone would cheer it while he hid in the shadows. That was a baby apparently raised in a government lab. She has even been referred as a subject. She was now part of the investigation.  
  


And she had just woken up.  
  


He hadn't even opened the car's door when the girl started to get fussy. Not fully crying yet, just moving around in his grasp as she took in her surroundings. She had bright and curious green eyes.  
  


His first problem was the lack of a baby seat. Maybe it was stupid, but he didn't enjoy the idea of driving while a baby sat unsafely in the back of his car. He got chased a lot, what if he needed to push the pedals and Anya got hurt? He couldn't afford that. But he needed to think fast before someone in the lab noticed what was wrong and searched the area.  
  


Anya decided to help by grabbing his nose forcefully. Should infants be this strong? Maybe it was one of her special abilities, though he didn't know much about children to be sure.  
  
  


"Stop that." He said holding her hand, but she had already grabbed enough of his mask to tear it apart. He sighed as he took off the rest of the disguise. "Are you happy now?"  
  
  


The baby stared at him as if she had just witnessed the birth of a monster. And, as an answer to the question, she cried.  
  


Twilight blinked, not knowing what to do.  
  


"Uh." He looked at her and then around the street awkwardly, as if someone could see him embarrassing himself in front of an infant. But the place was empty. It was better like that. "Hey, I'm sorry. I mean... Please, stop crying. It's okay now."  
  


He never felt so _stupid_ for using full sentences like that with a child. Anya wouldn't understand him, she couldn't be one year old. But she needed to stop crying or else he would be lost.  
  


Still holding her, he opened the car's door and struggled to open the glovebox without bumping Anya anywhere. He hoped it was still there and he didn't accidentally throw it in the trash...  
  


"Here it is!" He said with a little overexcited voice, but deep down relieved he found that. "Look, Anya, this is Mr. Lion! Isn't he cool?"  
  


It was a dumb plushie keychain Freddy got him some time ago. It wasn't really a lion, more like that mythical creature with horns and wings. Twilight couldn't remember its name now.  
  


"It squeaks!" He said giving it a squeeze and making the noise. Anya looked more and more interested, but she still cried a little. "He loves squeaking but he doesn't like when children cry. You should stop now."  
  
  


Again, too long sentences to use with a baby, but Twilight just didn't know what to do. Fortunately, Anya actually liked her new toy, grabbing it with hesitating hands and the same curious eyes.  
  


Twilight sighed tiredly, a smile unconsciously finding a place in his lips as he stared at the little girl on his lap. He never had to deal this close with children, even less this young. Anya couldn't even speak, he doubted her babbles would be useful to know more about Ostanian intel.  
  


But that was something for the guys at the agency to worry about. He would call them, they would take Anya and he would continue his work as always. Anya wasn't his problem.  
  


He somehow managed to secure her with the seatbelts even with the lack of a baby seat. No parent in their sanity would do this with a child, but he needed to be creative now. It was just for now, Anya surely would have more prepared people to care for her the next day.  
  


And Twilight would be working alone as always.  
  
  
  
  


\---

Twilight was caught by surprise when the Handler told him they couldn't pick Anya that same day.  
  
  


Short personnel, she said. He should call the next day and they would arrange something.  
  


He blinked atonished at the phone. Did they just imply he would spend the night with that child?  
  
  


Her cries were already giving him a headache.  
  
  


Anya cried a lot, he had found out way before getting home. Well, not really a home, as he was currently living in a hotel. 

He told the lady at the front desk Anya was a niece he'd have to take care just for a few hours. She was more interested in cooing at the poor crying child than asking for any proof of that, so that was a win. She also said he could ask for anything in room service that they would come up with it in a second.  
  
  


He thanked and refused because he didn't think it would be necessary. He was wrong.  
  
  


It did take a lot of his pride to ask for a already filled feeding bottle and some diapers to the room service. Twilight was used to do far too many things on his own and maybe he could even prepare milk for a child if he had his own kitchen, but that wasn't the case that day. He would need some extra help for his and Anya's sake.  
  
  


The old lady that brought the things eyed him suspiciously as he opened the room's door. Forcing up a smile, Twilight thanked her as he took the still warm feeding bottle and the diapers. Disposable ones, thank God.  
  
  


"Do you even know how to change a diaper, sir?" She asked skeptically. That young man didn't look like a family father at all.  
  
  


"I do know, ma'am. I take care of my niece all the time." He said with the same forced smile. "Thank you for your hard work, again."  
  


The man closed the door before she could make any more questions. He didn't have time for that, even more with Anya tiring herself in cries right behind him.  
  
  


He didn't lie when he said he knew how to change diapers. It was such a paled memory, almost forgotten completely along with other things from his past. But he did know the very basics of taking care of a child. As much as a kid that lived as an orphan during the war knew, to be fair.  
  
  


"I hope you calm down after dinner." He murmured while picking her up from the bed. "But you'll need a bath first. Please, don't make this harder for me than it already is."  
  
  
  


Twilight was never so grateful for having a bathtub than he was now. Cleaning a child in a shower sounded like the Turing test itself when you're stressed and lowkey annoyed at your superiors. Anya calmed down a bit after the bath. Twilight wondered if she'd be happier with bath toys. They could arrange that for later.  
  
  
  


The spy frowned at the thought as he dressed Anya in the white sleeper she was wearing earlier. Why would he care about bath toys if the girl would leave tomorrow? He was just thinking too far abroad, as he usually did. Anya wasn't his long-term problem.  
  


She suckled onto the feeding bottle so earnestly that he momentarily panicked she could choke. But she was just very hungry, it seemed. The man felt bad for taking so long to feed her.  
  


"I'm sorry." Twilight said softly as he held the bottle with one hand and Anya with the other arm. "I never did anything like this. You must think I'm stupid."  
  
  


Anya didn't say anything, as always, but she'd probably agree if she could. Look at this, the man that could stop a bomb from launching but couldn't even shush a distressed child. That was Agent Twilight for everyone to see.  
  
  


The girl was already nodding of before finishing the bottle, but he read somewhere that babies shouldn't sleep without burping, so he lost twenty more minutes of walking around the room patting softly on her back until she was out of danger. Until he could be sure things wouldn't get any worse in this mission.  
  


It was past nine when Anya finally was sound asleep in his arms. He asked for more pillows through room service (thankfully it wasn't the nosy old lady from before) and made a makeshift bed for Anya in the small couch of the room. Hopefully she wasn't one to roll too much in her sleep.  
  


After tucking her in, Twilight caught himself watching her sleeping form. The same rosy cheeks, the same parted lips as from when they first met.  
  


She was so small, so tiny, so fragile. He thought back to what Darla Schmidt had said: Anya deserves better than this place. Was the doctor trying to leave with Anya during the invasion? What an unhappy coincidence that was. Twilight hoped she was fine now, if she really wanted the best for the girl. He wished he could tell her Anya was safe.  
  
  


Maybe the agency will find her after the report, he thought while getting ready to bed. If what she was doing in the lab was illegal, she should be punished obviously. But after that, maybe she could be reunited with Anya and the girl would lead a normal life. Way healthier than in a lab, way safer than with a spy.  
  
  


Twilight slept with the certainty that this would be the first and only night he would spend with Anya.  
  
  


\---  
  


"What do you mean you can't send in anyone?" Twilight asked angrily at the phone.  
  


The first thing the Handler did in the morning was to tell the good news: Anya wouldn't go away that day. Actually, Anya wouldn't go away anytime soon, apparently.  
  
  


_"Just what you heard, Twilight. We currently don't have anyone close and capable enough to pick your golden baby and cross the borders with her. There's a lot of paperwork involved in that, you know."_  
  


"Sure, I know, paperwork is the worst enemy of mankind." He said ironically. "Then I'll bring her myself. I can take the train today and..."  
  


_"No, we need you right there."_ The Handler interrupted him. _"There will be a ship delivering suspicious cargo at the docks by tomorrow afternoon, you might want to give it a look."_  
  
  


"You want me to work while taking care of a child?" He said not believing in his own ears. "That's nonsense. If you guys don't bother with her, I'll just take her to an orphanage where..."  
  


_"That's also not an option, I'm afraid."_ The Handler sighed boredly. _"The material you sent us from the lab, it showed some really serious stuff. Enhancing drugs, new guns, genetically altered humans... This girl you have is probably a mutant of some kind, to be used in the case of a new war."_  
  
  


Twilight looked over to Anya, who was still asleep on the couch. She looked like any other child to him and he didn't notice anything out of ordinary when taking care of her yesterday.  
  


"She looks perfectly normal to me." He said.  
  


_"Are you an expert in children now?"_ If Twilight could see her now, she'd probably have a raised eyebrow. _"Anyway, she can't be handled over to civilians. Consider her your most important mission now, until we decide what can be done."_  
  
  


"And when will that be?" He asked in annoyance.  
  


_"I don't know, my man. But I'm sure you can do this, you already survived one night with her. And if she didn't kill you with laser eyes, that's a win."_ She sounded like she was smiling now. _"You'll probably want a new ID and address if you're going to play a single father, Franky will help you with this. I'll let you go now, you probably have a lot of work buying baby stuff. Also, don't forget the pacifier. Those things are magical, believe me. See you soon."_  
  
  
  


She hung up just like that and Twilight was left staring at the phone, wondering what the hell he was just told to.  
  
  


He would take care of Anya until someone picked her up. They didn't have a clue on when that would be. And he also was responsible for other missions along the way.  
  


That was just _ridiculous_.  
  
  


As if sensing his humor, Anya chose this time to wake up and start whining, waving her little arms around in hope to get attention from the only available adult at the moment.  
  


Twilight sighed as he went to pick her up before she decided to cry again.  
  


This would be one hell of a mission.  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The interview episode made me think that maybe there was someone in the lab that really cared about Anya and helped her run away. She did cry a lot at the memory of a supposed mother, after all, so that's why I created little Dr. Schmidt here.  
> I'll put this as a oneshot, but if I get inspired, I might make this multichapter! These two must have a lot of adventures together haha'


	2. Lunch Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, my hand slipped ;)  
> Very short update and I'm still not sure of how I'll evolve this, but I'm giving it a serious thought! Loid and Anya are the best, I love them

  
Things started looking a bit better when he got his new apartment.

  
It was small, but good enough for widowed psychiatrist Loid Forger and his baby. Now his only worry was the gossipy neighbours that cared way too much about the "poor handsome man raising his daughter without a wife!".

  
He was also petty enough to chose the most expensive decoration for Anya's room. All on the agency's account. It was their fault she was living with him, anyway.

  
Most of the time Anya would spend at a daycare while Twilight dealt with his other works. But his superiors were being quite generous with him in the latest weeks, charging him up with tasks that could be done at home and not chasing criminals around the town. It was almost like taking a vacation. Anya was his job as well, though, so this wasn't even close to a rest.

Especially around lunch time.

  
"Anya, this isn't a joke." He said serious. "You need to eat more than potatoes."

His fake daughter was a picky eater. She did well with potatoes and fruits in general, but anything besides that was a no-go. Twilight wanted to change that.

Anya's current nemesis were the carrots. She would take one look at the spoon and turn her face in disgust, refusing to eat. Sometimes Twilight thought she was too smart for a seven months old baby.

  
"Come on, you didn't even try it. Carrots are yummy!" He said with a smile as he shook her toy. "Hey, Mr. Chimera, you love carrots, don't you?"

The lion was actually a chimera, according to Freddy. The plushie was quite useful when convincing Anya to do things, as she somehow associated it with rewards after lots of crying. He didn't know if it was okay to bribe a child into eating vegetables, but it was worth a shot.

  
Anya made grabby hands at her toy and babbled joyfully at it. Twilight took the opportunity to raise the spoon with the mashed carrots once again towards her partially open mouth. When she ate it without spitting, Twilight almost considered himself a hero.

Almost, because her hand hit the plate with too much force and food went flying all over the kitchen. It hit Twilight in his eye.

  
"You think this is funny, don't you?" He said cleaning his face with a napkin. Anya was laughing. "You won't watch TV today. Don't try to convince me otherwise, I know all your schemes."

Not only he fell for her pleading eyes and let her watch cartoons, but two ladies giggled at him when he was taking the trash out. There were carrots on his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I think Anya is a bit too smart for a baby here, but this also helps my headcanon that she's actually very smart for her age and the reason she struggles at school is because she's one or two years younger than her classmate. Baby is so tiny!
> 
> See you next time~~


End file.
